My Favorite Scary Movies

In honor of Halloween, here is a list of my favorite scary movies:

1. The Monster Squad (1987)
Best. Movie. Ever.

2. Halloween (1978)
Purely and simply evil.

3. Poltergeist (1982)
I grew up with a very large tree just outside of my bedroom window, so...

4. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)
Remember when Freddy was scary?

5. The Lost Boys (1987)
Max's vamp face literally scared the piss out of me.

6. When a Stranger Calls Back (1993)
That guy coming out of the brick wall gets me every time.

7. Lady in White (1988)
I still get creeped out by Melissa's song.

8. Drag Me to Hell (2009)
Awesomely gross special effects.

9. Grace (2009)
I love the transformation Madeline goes through to protect her baby.

10. The Birds (1963)
Birds freak me out.

Ever Wonder What Happened to...

Darius McCrary?

Who?

You may best remember Darius from “Family Matters” (1989-1998) as Edward “Eddie” James Arthur Winslow, one of my favorite TV sons of all time.

After being one of the stars of “Family Matters” for almost ten years, Darius was on several short lived TV shows and even appeared in some high profile movies. You may have seen him in 15 Minutes (2001) or even heard his voice in Transformers (2007).

You can see Darius on the silver screen once again in Saw VI (2009), out now.

Even In Death, Jigsaw Is Alive And Well

Say what you want about the Saw franchise, but the formula works. In the latest installment, Saw VI follows Detective Hoffman (Costas Mandylor) as he carries on the Jigsaw legacy and risks exposure of his chosen path.

It’s the same basic story line, people with questionable morals and lifestyles must find their way out of elaborate traps if they want to live. What keeps the franchise alive, I feel, is how the story is told. Through the use of flashbacks, you’re able to discover more about Jigsaw’s (Tobin Bell) past.

I don’t know about you, but I love Jigsaw’s backstory. It raises so many questions. Mainly, how did he score a babe like Jill Tuck (Betsy Russell)?

Because a Saw movie is spit out every year, seeing Saw VI is a good way to stay up to date with current events. In the opening scene, we see two loan officers forced to pay for their lives with a pound flesh; and the main plot focuses on a health insurance executive (Mark Rolston) choosing who lives and who dies by the same formula he used to decide which clients received coverage.

I really can’t fault the filmmakers for churning these movies out as often as they do. Movie productions create jobs, and not just for actors. So in keeping with the theme of the film, the production of Saw VI is, in way, trying to remedy the problems certain characters face in the film. And speaking of actors, what a great way to give someone their big break (or perhaps a second chance at fame)? I agree that the number of sequels is getting out of hand, maybe they’re not such a bad thing.

Let Him Finish What He Started

After a plea bargain frees the man who killed his wife and daughter, Clyde Shelton (Gerard Butler) takes justice into his own hands by targeting all involved, including the district attorney. So ensues a cat and mouse game of Shelton killing everyone close to DA Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx), but how Shelton is pulling it off is the real focus of the movie (he worked for the CIA and is super smart).

Law Abiding Citizen is your basic revenge movie with awesome death scenes. And while the plot is engaging and will keep you on the edge of your seat, it is a completely unrealistic movie. I’m open to the idea of the CIA developing cell phones that kill people (one of my favorite kill scenes of the year!), but I highly doubt that the Philadelphia PD and a district attorney played by Jamie Foxx could out smart a CIA “brain.” I live just outside of Philly and I’m more than certain that this is impossible.

This is Law Abiding Citizen’s one flaw: writer Kurt Wimmer held his story back by being afraid to go where no one else in Hollywood has dared - he doesn’t kill Rice. Why?!

I don’t need a “happy” ending, one in which Shelton would have gotten away, but I would have liked to see Foxx’s character die. I guess to some, Law Abiding Citizen’s ending is a happy - Rice (who some would consider the good guy, but I don’t) prevails and gets to live happily ever after with his wife and daughter. But where is the justice for Shelton? I would have been content with Shelton killing Rice and then meeting his demise.

Law Abiding Citizen had the potential to be a great revenge/action flick, but falls short of greatness due to the ending. The plot and story start off strong, but the brevity in which the film is wrapped up and the manner that it is done in left me wanting more.

And keep your eyes peeled for Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter!

Wild? Yes. Good? I Wouldn't Go That Far

I should probably start this by saying that I love Where The Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak, which is why I didn’t love Spike Jonze’s radical film adaptation. Am I the only person who read the book and watched the movie? What a disappointment!

After being sent to bed without dinner, Max (Max Records) runs away from home when he finds himself a sailboat. He, then, journeys to where the wild things are. After being made king of the wild things, Max and the wild things have a rumpus, but not really. The wild things just sort of hurt each other and scare Max.

Let’s start with Max. As my sister, a first grade teacher astutely pointed out, Max is an “ES” kid. That’s “emotional support,” meaning Max has issues. The kid is f’ed up. Sendak’s book portrays Max as creating a bit mischief one night; Jonze, on the other hand, has Max being crazy 24/7. Max needs to be sedated.

The wild things, particularly Carol (voiced by James Gandolfini), are scary. And I get it. They’re supposed to be scary. But there’s a fine line for a children’s movie (I mean, it is for children, right?). At one point, I thought Tony Soprano was going to have Max whacked over the fort. How disturbing was it for you when you saw KW (voiced by Lauren Ambrose) swallow Max and then spit him back out? I appreciate the symbolism - Max is “reborn” as a, hopefully, calm child - but it is really gross and weird.

Did I mention Where The Wild Things Are is boring? At an hour and forty minutes, Where The Wild Things Are goes on for an eternity. Never have I checked my watch so many times during a trip to the theater. Perhaps Jonze should have stayed true the book, in both content and length.

Yes, I know Sendak’s Where The Wild Things Are is only a few pages long and some pages don’t even have words on them. My favorite part of the book is how Max’s bedroom turns into the jungle. This seems to be important to Sendak too since he dedicated six pages to it. Jonze, being the visionary director that he is, has Max run away and that’s how he comes to be in a jungle. Nice message to send to kids: run away and you will find a whole new world that you can become the king of. And since Jonze is considered visionary, why not use his skills to transform a simple bedroom into the jungle? As for the wild rumpus, it looks absolutely awesome in the book - Max and the wild things dance in the moonlight and swing from trees. Funny, that’s not the rumpus I saw in the movie. Was there even a rumpus? I saw a lot of planning and talking, but no rumpus.

Where The Wild Things Are was my most anticipated movie of the year. Words cannot describe my excitement for it. Boy, was I disappointed. I understand that certain liberties had to be taken due to the lack of text in the book, but Jonze got carried away.

My advice to you: don’t take kids to see this movie, for they will surely be bored; and certainly don’t waste the money seeing it in I-MAX.

Zombies Are People Too

When you watch a zombie movie, do you ever think about the actors playing the zombies? I didn’t either, until I saw Zombieland.

Now, I could go on about how Zombieland is one of the best movies I have seen all year (‘cause it is!). Or how I used to only like Woody Harrelson and now I love him. Or even how Abigail Breslin isn’t that annoying in this film. But I think it is more important to look at the zombies’ performance - specifically 406 (Amber Heard).

I can’t fault Amber Heard for working what she’s got. She is a very attractive girl, but I think she’s boring. Heard is a very safe actress and it seems she gets cast because a pretty blond. The roles she gets don’t require that much acting; Heard really only needs to look pretty and say a few lines. So when I saw Heard transform into a zombie and attack Jesse Eisenberg, I was blown away! How out of her element was she? She gave a great performance as a zombie. I am truly impressed at how convincing Amber Heard was. Amber, the next time you get offered a role that only requires you to be someone’s pretty girlfriend, pass on it and take something that’s an actual challenge.

Dear Rob Zombie,

Please stop making movies. I am begging you. I understand that you are a whore and need money. I also understand that your wife is a whore and gets bored easily, so every couple of years you have to make a new movie to give her something to do. But, couldn’t you let her remodel the bathroom or something? Maybe she’s not the interior design type, so make an original movie at least.

I somewhat tolerated (meaning, I went to see your “film” to prove to myself that I was right in claiming that it would suck) your remake of Halloween (2007). And then you do this. Remake Halloween 2 (2009) and you don’t include one of my favorite death scenes - the hot tub murder. I will admit that you have a way with violence, so why not keep the hot tub murder?

Some may argue with me and say that this Halloween 2 is original. And to that, I would say: “Hardly.” Yes, you took the series in a slightly different direction than the original films, but by using the same characters and same basic plot you are not being original. The only original part of the movie would be all of the superfluous walking and violence from Michael Myers (Tyler Mane) in the first half of the movie. Not to mention, it was rather boring.

And what the fuck have you done to Laurie Strode (Scout Taylor-Compton)? She’s the final girl, for christ’s sake!!! What I enjoyed about the original Halloween series was that Laurie Strode was able to overcome her horrible past and have a somewhat normal life (until her past catches up with her, of course). This is why Laurie Strode is the ultimate final girl. You, Mr. Zombie, have removed everything good about Laurie Strode and replaced it with what I can only imagine as your ideal woman. I’m not going to make any apologies for my opinion - if you have 666 painted on the wall of your bathroom, maybe you deserve to be stalked and killed by your demented older brother. I have a really hard time feeling sorry for someone like the "Zombie Laurie Strode" and her friends when they act the way they do.

And how dare you rewrite “history” so that Laurie Strode succumbs to the same fate as her “family”? And the open ending… I almost wish Laurie Strode had been killed so that there would be a clear end in sight. What’s next… a remake of Halloween 3: Season of the Witch? Just stop with the remakes already. You are only emabrrassing yourself. If you want to impress me, make Werewolf Women of the SS. I would love to see that in theaters, at least then I would know that you don’t actually take your movies seriously. And I would also appreciate it if your colleagues would stop giving you encouragement (this means you Eli Roth).

One last thing, allow me to congratulate you on making one of the darkest movies I have ever seen. No, I don’t mean “dark” in terms of mood. Your latest atrocity is probably the most poorly lit movie ever. Don’t you get off on gratuitous violence? And yet you shroud the violence in darkness. I am not one that needs violence to make a movie entertaining and certainly not scary, but it just seems like a waste to me. You undoubtedly spent a lot of money on the effects that went into these sequences of violence, leaving me confused as to why you wouldn’t take the time to properly light the shot so your audience would be able to decipher what is happening.

Sincerely,
Allison

P.S. - Danielle Harris, after four Halloween movies, I think it is safe to say you won’t be back for a fifth film (I hope). You owe it to yourself to move on. Roles you were taking when you were eleven years old probably aren’t right for you when you are 32.